omg

mom: we’re going to eat soon
dad: decuerdo
mom: de acuerdo?
dad: well you know I speak like a native, so it’s pretty hard to understand me

Meanwhile at my dinner table, my dad sits down and starts singing “That’s so Raven” and then proceeds to lecture me about the difference between hail and sleet.

me: says something insulting about juries
dad: (austrian accent) Sophie? this is beethoven. ich liebe dich.

dad: what’s goin’ down, brown?
me:  
my mom: 

dad: so I’m looking for 2-headed animals for my story…like to represent how the democratic party and the republican party are two heads of the same beast?
mom: isn’t that a song? 

omg

dad: the cupcakes are amazing but the vanella is too much
me and mom: WHAT did you just say vanElla?
dad: no, I said vanilla!
mom: god, vanella, you sound like George Bush 

dad: (about my kitty) she’s so cute when she lays on her back. Lies? Lays?
mom: Lies. You lay something down. 
dad: I laid Perfect on her back.
mom: I stroked her chin.
dad: She…purred softly. 

Dad: sitting at computer not saying anything
Me: sitting at computer not saying anything
Dad: do you remember how delicious chocolate doughnuts were?

dad: Imma take a shower Imma take a shower Imma take a Imma take a Imma take a shower

dad: ready to watch the movie?
mom: no, wait just a minute.
dad: how long? oh oh a minute okay got it
mom: …
dad: 59, 58, 57…